Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Retail Silliness

I've always enjoyed catalogs -- living a good hour away from malls and such, I eventually just got out of the habit of going shopping for real. Catalogs provide that little boost of retail therapy -- you can debate over choices, earmark possibilities, circle colors and styles -- but I find if I wait a few days, I usually realize I really don't need, or even want, whatever it was.

The catalog that arrived today is one I know we've never ordered from; I should have us removed from their mailing list. But it's so divinely silly -- even the name -- Hammacher Schlemmer -- is fun to say. "Offering the Best (i.e. expensive), the Only, and the Unexpected for 160 years."

Their selection include lots of stuff that I can only assume are meant as gifts for the person who already has everything. This Swiss Army knife, for example, would be perfect for the Edward Scissorhands fan in your life. (He'll need a big pocket.) A steal at $1.400.

I really love this:

What could be better for Uncle Festus who had his license revoked after that DUI? Now he can motor down to the Quik Stop for beer. Note that the cooler can be accessed while driving -- a nice feature. And go on and spring for that cushioned seat and backrest -- Uncle Festus will thank you.
Do you think my agent would like this for her Chrismas present? I am sorely tempted.


Pat in east TN said...

I laughed at your catalog ... the $1400.00 Swiss Army knife, that I could not imagine anyone really wanting. The motorized cooler that I could imagine a few local folks really enjoying!! LOL BUT the remote tarantula ... yikes, that is really freaky!!!

Susan M. Bell said...

OK, if I ever come across anyone with that remote control tarantula, I will probably run screaming for the hills. How creepy is that.

My favorite catalog I get but have never ordered from: Things You Never Knew Existed..and other items you can't possibly live without. ( I keep saying I'm going to order something out of it for a gag gift one day.

Vicki Lane said...

Thanks to Susan I had to check out her silly catalog. I am enchanted by the fact that they have one section devoted to shocking things (electric shock, not what you were thinking) and another for farting things -- including my personal favorite, the remote control farting bear.

Just imagine -- the guest on the sofa is startled as the tarantula scuttles out from between his feet and across the floor. Then the cute teddy bear on the sofa beside him makes a very rude sound.

Oh, lord, stop me before I order these things!