Saturday, March 21, 2015

Caught in the Filter

My email's spam filter works hard to keep me safe and once a day it sends me a link to view and give the thumbs up or down to all its captures, in their infinite variety.

Much of it is from places where I once ordered something on line -- a leather handbag, some sheets, a cat toy.

And there's lots of clutter from liberal/progressive/ left wing causes  because I've signed a petition or made a donation –  I swear, make a donation to Planned Parenthood because Sarah Palin pissed you off and you’re on their list for life.

Then there are others that are puzzling because I don't know why why they're targeting me.
Easier to get approved!  -- one says and it's tempting, because deep down, isn’t that what we all want -- approval?

Online education – study the world of ultrasound technology – perhaps this could be my big break and an exciting new career.

Or perhaps not. I might become a woodworker if I just follow this link that promises
You can build almost anything.

Cheap solar panels, iPad minis, Toilet paper coupons, Pure white kidney bean extract, Credit scores, Throw away your glasses -- okay, I did order some cheap reading glasses on line so I guess that's where they got my email. Funny though, if the glasses company sells names to the throw away your glasses folks,  don't they realize they could be losing  customers?

Look twenty again  -  Right.

 Solutions for every body type -- I'm almost afraid to ask.

Eliminate fine lines and wrinkles -- No more ironing?

Then the offers get even more  urgent and more puzzling:

There is a perfect person for you – find them now!

Pregnant and uninsured – take action now!

Resources for depression help!

Affordable private rehab !

 Be a man, restore your confidence !

Who in the world do these spammers think I am?

At last I hit one that may answer my question. A genealogy site I once used in making a family tree for one of my character warns me:


Well, that explains it. Evidently, now in addition to being wrinkled,overweight, and aging (but then, who isn't aging?) I'm also a lonely, pregnant, uninsured, depressed, addicted, un-confident man.

Good luck on finding that perfect person for me.


Victoria said...

Pssst...Vicki, I think you already have the perfect person for you! (The real you, that is).
This post made me laugh out loud...and the one with Dylan on the cover of AARP ... well, that's going to give me nightmares if I can ever manage to get to sleep!

Ms. A said...

Hahaha! Thank goodness I don't get much spam, or I might not know who the heck I am, either! I've had enough change in the past two years that I hardly recognize myself as it is!

Thérèse said...

That's why I try to keep two distinct emails addresses one for spam and the other one for friendship... On the other hand looking at spam can be reassuring too: thinking that so many things are happening to so many people but not to you...

Jean Baardsen said...

That's hilarious! I enjoyed the post. I never look at my spam. I really don't need a bigger you-know-what!

Barbara R. said...

But when I get spam there is always lots of porn too, you are so lucky! I haven't looked at the list in a while, but I stopped using one address completely because of it, and eventually even the people from whom I signed up for newsletters stopped sending them.

Vicki Lane said...

I have to look through my spam folder because every once in a while, an email from a real person, even someone I know, falls into it.

So, as long as I'm there, I might as well enjoy it.

Coloring Outside the Lines said...

OMG, you cracked me up! I just click delete on my spam list, but every now and then one will eek by the clever overseers at google. I'd just like to know who these spammers really are and why don't they get a life! I hope that they are not profiting from their evil ways, but apparently they are because they keep doing it.

Maiasaura WinterHeart said...

Holy cow, that was hilarious. I too, wonder who it was that thought I needed a bigger penipopotamas. Ye Gods.

jennyfreckles said...

Heheh, yes. Thankfully my spam filter works too and I must have dropped off a lot of lists as I'm not getting much at present. But it can give you a good laugh.