Saturday, July 18, 2009

Empty Words

Going through the correspondence on my desk the other day, I was amazed at the emotion some soulless, faceless corporate entities can muster in a form letter.

The cell phone provider we recently dropped in favor of a cheaper system wrote to say how much they'd enjoyed our relationship (oh, yes, it was special) and how sad they were that we were leaving.

Breaking up is hard to do, even when it's a phone company.

Then there was a wistful little note from Quality Paperback Book Club -- which I quit some years ago. Evidently, they haven't gotten over it. They really, really miss me and wish I'd come back.

QPB misses me.

I imagine this scene between the head honcho at QPB and a flunky:

Flunky (agitated) : Sir? Sir? Are you all right? It's been years now and you just sit there at your desk, doodling her initials on the blotter . . .

Head Honcho (listlessly): I don't know. . . ever since Vicki dropped us, the sky doesn't seem as blue; the birds don't sing . . . Why? Tell me why did she do this to me? (Buries face in hands and weeps.)

I find my fun where I can.

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Pat in east TN said...

HA ... that's good Vicki! I get letters like that too but never thought of it that way. Good chuckle first thing Saturday morning.

Carol @ TheWritersPorch said...

It is something isn't it? A few months ago we had problems with our Direct TV equipment. After a week of calling everyday and demanding that they send a tech out I was told it would be three weeks to which I replied, NO it won't. I then called Dish who came out the next day. I canceled Direct as soon as the Dish guy left. A "big wheel" from Direct calls telling me how we are a valued customer of 7 years. I told him I had been treated like ANYTHING but, for a week. He offered me a years programming free but I explained that the switch was made, end of the story!

Auntie Knickers said...

My daughter is having a similar experience to Carol@TheWritersPorch, with the people who service her workplace's aging duplicating machine. She's hoping (pending Trustee approval -- it's a church) to get a newer, better machine and switch providers. I bet she'll be getting one of those sad letters too. Vicki, I quit QPBC several years ago too; now I get their books at used book sales and don't have to pay the exorbitant shipping; or I go to the library or the local indie bookstore. I still get one of those letters once a year or so.

Reader Wil said...

Ha,ha.. You have a very humoristic way of writing and describing the devastated men who are going to miss you so much.
Thanks for dropping by. Yes the marquis is still living in a part of this castle. We actually got a glimp of him.

Vicki Lane said...

Pat, how bout this weather! Too delicious!

Ah, yes, Carol, they'll come crawling back when it's too late. Maybe they'll send you flowers!

Auntie K -- Yes, I've joined several times, sucked in by the cheapness of the books. But it's the postage that does you in every time.

Reader Wil -- (who was referring to a post over on her blog) Thanks for the answer to my question!

Anonymous said...

Ah, but he Quality Paperback Book Club is untrue. I used to be a member too and they missed me just as much as you. I'll bet at some point all three of us "had a relationship" with the club, at the same time...such a fickle club. :-)

Lynne in GA

Vicki Lane said...

Shocked! Shocked, I tell you! Is it too late to sue for alienation of affection? Bigamy?? Trigamy??? Who knows how many other women they may have been involved with!

And here I'd thought I was the only one . . .

Pat in east TN said...

Vicki, this weather is absolute heaven!

I raise my hand too for being a past member of QPBC, and such sad letters I get from them, tear stains and all!

Vicki Lane said...

Those guys . . . !

Victoria said...

Vicki, I loved your word picture of the corporate guy weeping at his desk. Too funny!

I just got a catalog in the mail today. It had a big sticker on the front that read "It's been a while since you've ordered. This may be your last catalog - we'll miss you!"

The thing is, I've never ordered anything from them!

Vicki Lane said...

Victoria -- These guys are just BIG PHONIES!!!

There, I've said it.

Star said...

I got one of those letters from my local supermarket on my return from America last week! Apparently they've noticed my absence lately and wanted to invite me back with an offer of £6 off a £60 shop. Fair enough, I called in yesterday and guess what? my shopping came to £55 so I didn't get the discount.
Blessings, Star

Vicki Lane said...

Even in England -- shop teases!