Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Dispatches from the Ship of Fools


  In an effort not to ruin your day with a rant, I'll share some (rather hilarious) proof that it's not just the government that is a pack of idiots.  The following quotes were in response to a 'Dilbert Quotes' contest in which people submitted actual quotes from real-life bosses and managers.  These are the winners:

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.' (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp,)

'What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.' 
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

'E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.' (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

'This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.' (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

'Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.' (Plant manager, Delco Corporation)

'No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.' (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp)

Quote from the boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.' (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)


My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, 'That would be better for me.' (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.' (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)



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23 comments:

Ms. A said...

Those are funny! Obviously I'm not the only stupid person out there.

R. Burnett Baker said...

Fantastic! Now I know why FTD never delivered my Mother's Day flowers, and have been silent about any refund. They must have been attending a funeral.

RNSANE said...

I love the cat pictures and the quotes are hysterical!

Martin H. said...

Good one, Vicki.

Thérèse said...

Dilbert is always so much fun, we followed him since the start.

Brian Miller said...

hahaha it is obviously anyone with the allusion of power that it affects...lol

Vicki Lane said...

Bureaucracy, government, the military -- as Brian say, it's that illusion of power that allows this sort of thing to happen. Maybe we do better as individuals. Miss Susie Hutchins thinks so.

Brenda said...

LOL!! Oh my goodness these are a riot. And the fact that your cat, superior being that he is, presides over it all, it terrific. Love it.

Tammy said...

Wow..and here I thought it was just the bosses I work with...;-) Too funny (in a sad sort of you got to be kidding way).
Tammy

Jill said...

Thanks for the laugh! The sad thing is that those people actually get paid a lot of money to be that stupid.

R. Burnett Baker said...

Vicki, along these lines, I've run across a blog I saw posted on another blog titled "Mouse Droppings". Got a kick out of this guy's posts and cartoons. You might enjoy it as well, if you haven't already seen it:

http://www.savagechickens.com/

Cheers!

Merisi Vienna said...

The first one is hilarious! I hope the employees went on vacation while waiting for the access card to come through. Or is it still in the mail? ;-)

Barbara Rogers said...

Thanks, another example of life following art...the Dilbert-isms of real life are so trite and awful, and hilarious! I've always cringed reading that strip, knowing that I'd hear it all in the next meeting I was called to...or the next one.

Kath said...

Cats are so patient with us. Can't you hear them discussing the Ship of Fools that is in charge of their food and warm nap spots.

Louise said...

Unfortunately, I'm not surprised. Stupidity like this is one of the reasons I retired at 62, rather than try and hold out until 66. I was afraid I'd be insane by then.

GrandmaK said...

Made MY day!!!! Thanx! Cathy

Kat Mortensen said...

I don't know about the rant, but that is one very stately looking cat.

Kat

Wayfarin' Stranger said...

At least we didn't vote THEM into their jobs. Jim

FOLKWAYS NOTEBOOK said...

Words of wisdom from the Peter Principle folks. -- barbara

Vicki Lane said...

Thanks for the link, Rick! Some funny stuff there.

Miss Susie Hutchins has her own private yacht -- but she is perpetually aware that the staff are less than adequate.

jennyfreckles said...

I'd laugh if I wasn't crying. It all sounds perilously like where I work!

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